I hate Pittsburgh.

So let me catch you up on my life right now. So for the past month I've been working to get my license to sell insurance in PA for this company. Its been one shit storm after another since then. Its not that I don't know the material, I do. I'm just a bad test taker. So last week I passed the pre-test and yesterday I'm faxing in my stuff and not even ten minutes later I get a call from the testing agency saying that I can't take the PA Life and Heath test. So of course I say why not and they tell me that I took only the Life portion of the test. I say no, I took the life and health combined pre-test, that's the program I bought, the textbook I bought, the test I registered for was all for life and health combined. So doesn't it stand to reason that the pre-test that I take is for life and health? No, I have to go to the site and go through this complex labyrinth of links to switch it to the life and health combined. I asked the lady this and she said that this happens all the time. Really!? So why don't you fix it! So now I have to take the pre-test again and take the test and I have to get it done by friday 15th and start work on Monday. So that's all of what I've been doing this month.

It all started on Monday March 9th. We left the house around 4pm, I was driving because Ryan had only an hour of sleep. He is on nightshift so he hadn't slept at all till then. So we're on route 22 passing this guy when he starts pulling over into our lane. I'm not saying we were in his blind spot, we were right F***ing beside him. He could have looked over and saw us. So he starts pulling over, hardly giving us time to even slow down so I'm pinned between this guy and a cement wall in the medium. There was tons of gravel so I'm fishtailing trying not to hit this guy, trying not to hit the wall, going about 75 mph. I finally slow down enough for him to pass me and get back into the lane. The guy didn't even stop, he just looked over, shrugged and kept going. We could have died because of that douche bag.

Today Thursday March 12th. Ryan is on his way home from work, literally two minutes from home when he falls asleep at the wheel. Something he had never done before. He goes left to center and hits a car. The person driving the other car veered to miss him but couldn't get away. Had she not seen him it would have been a head on and I may have lost Ryan. His car is totalled but Ryan is safe, injury free, and home with me today. I don't care about the car, all I care is that Ryan is okay. The other person was fine too, no one was injured and I think to only damage to the SUV was cosmetic.

Light at the end of the tunnel. The guy that is scrapping Ryan's car is going to buy it from him for over ten thousand dollars. He only has to pay off nine thousand something on his car so he'll have enough to pay it off. I don't know if he has liability on his insurance but if he doesn't, he'll have that extra thousand to pay off the other persons damages. If he does have liability he can put that thousand in savings and save a little more for a good down payment on another car. So its not all bad. I'm just glad that everyones okay.

I knew today was going to be bad when I answered the phone this morning. Ryan called me when he got here so I could let him in and just the sound of his voice let me know that something was wrong. I’m rarely ever this devastated. I’m not thin skinned or easily flustered. I can take most any insult without batting an eye but this floored me. I guess to start I should give you all the facts. Ryan’s family doesn’t talk to each other when something is bothering them, especially when it’s a problem with each other. It’s almost always his dad that starts it. He’ll either make snide remarks or blind accusations. He’ll do this and not expect the person to talk back or even try to defend himself and/or his actions. And if this person does talk back he views it as disrespect. I don’t know how Ryan is so open with me about stuff having grown up this way.

So here is what happened. Ryan’s dad came in the living room and just out of no where says to Ryan. “You have no direction in your life, you’re lazy, you have no drive, and you’re probably going to be on welfare in a few years.” First of all, Ryan is a college graduate for anthropology in Archeology. He worked in it for three years but what they don’t tell you about this line of work is once you get to one site to work you have to be looking for the next and your never home, constantly on the road, no insurance, or benefits and crappy pay. So he decided to get a job at home. He works at Walmart now and is and has been for a while looking for a better job. He’s got a job with the state as soon as the Governor takes off the hiring freeze. His father then went on to say “You don’t contribute enough around here.” Ryan does everything that man asks him to do. He cleans, chips in for food and anything else that man asks. So Ryan mentions this that he gives his dad money for stuff. But this came out wrong because his dad “used” to have a gambling problem. He lends his dad money without asking what its for. His mom knows that Jeff barrows money from Ryan a lot but Jeff always says it is for groceries or something like that. I don’t think there is enough room in the kitchen for the supposed groceries that this man buys. But when Ryan mentioned the money his mom took this as disrespectful and started yelling at him. So from there it escalated and they started bitching about me. They said that I don’t do anything around there either. I would admit if I was slacking in the chores and not pitching in enough but I haven’t been slacking in the least. Last week I was a little slow to get up and do stuff but I was really engrossed in a book and things got done still. I clean the living room and front room do the dishes. I would do more but I don’t know what I can and can’t do. Jeff doesn’t let me do laundry because surprisingly doing laundry is his thing its his zen moment. I’m looking for work up in Pittsburgh before I move up because I don’t just want to be in the house without being able to contribute. I planned on being moved up there by now but things happened. Very bad things happened and it took me a while to recover. I think anyone would be devastated if someone that was such a large and influential part in their life killed himself. I won’t make excuses for myself. I could be searching harder for a job, but I’ve been waiting on certain jobs to hire because I know I could get a good job there with benefits. And no, I shouldn’t have been waiting this long.

All of this could have been avoided if they just opened up and talked to each other like the adults that they are. And second of all, if they had a problem with and something that I was or “was not” doing they should come to me and talk to me about it. Not go around brooding about it and telling everyone but me. If it is this bad now, how bad is it going to get when I move in? Because I don’t sit there and take shit from people, especially when its not true. And I promise you if Jeff EVER does that to me he can fully expect me to do the exact thing to him to see how much he likes it and then maybe he’ll realize how unfair that is to the other person and how stupid of a move that is to try and explain frustrations. This is what we like to call “The adult thing to do” You talk to someone when you have a problem with them or something they’re doing. I’m 23 years old and I’ve at least got this figured out. And here’s another thing. Me and Ryan bought a bed and yes it was expensive. Way more expensive than we should have gone for a bed. Yeah, it was stupid and a mistake at the time. But he keeps bringing it up and bitching about it. Yeah, it was a mistake but it was our mistake. And no matter what you say or try to do to warn us, we are still going to make mistakes, lots of them. ((Also, I will never regret having bought this bed. It was expensive and totally worth it))

So to end this. I was very upset because first and foremost they did not come to me about this problem and how they brought this up to Ryan. And how they chose to deal with all this. So completely childish and uncalled for. Yes they are concerned parents, I get that. But really? You choose to show your worry like this? What are you five?

What are your middle names?My middle name is Anne and Ryan's is James.
How long have you been together?We’ve been together a little over 4 years now.
How long did you know each other before you started dating? A little embarrassing since I promised myself I would never get together with someone over myspace and AIM but that's how it happened.
Who asked whom out? He asked me out after he said he was in love with me. That usually happens after you've been going out for a while. A little unorthodox but that's why I love him. How old are each of you?I’m 23 and he’s 25.
Whose siblings do you see the most? My brother and sister.
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple? My friendship with Tom.
Did you go to the same school? Nope. I went to West Liberty and he went to Cal U. Heck of a drive but a lot better than most.
Are you from the same home town?No. He is from Pittsburgh and I, a small village in WV.
Who is smarter? Ryan is very book smart. However I am street smart so we compliment each other.
Who is the most sensitive? We both have our moments but I have to say me. I'll be fine until one day I'll have a break down. Usually caused by something small like running out of shampoo...trust me...its happened.
Where do you eat out most as a couple? Quaker Steak and Lube. Its either that or Primanti brothers.
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple? New River Gorge WV.
Who has the craziest exes? Me...and I'll just leave it at that.
Who has the worst temper? So far me. He keeps saying that he has a bad temper but he must be very good at keeping it.
Who does the cooking? I do, mostly breakfast because that's all he wants to eat.
Who is the neat-freak? Me surprisingly.
Who is more stubborn? Me, because I have this little thing called estrogin that keeps me going.
Who hogs the bed? Ryan.
Who wakes up earlier?I do on the days when he is off work.
Where was your first date? The cafe at Cal U. But it was kind of ruined by mom >_>
Who is more jealous? Ryan, though there are sircumstances.
How long did it take to get serious? Six months. Probably would have been sooner if he didn't have to go away for 3 months for work.
Who eats more?That would be him.
Who does the laundry?I do, though he does help me fold and put away.
Who’s better with the computer? Equal
Who drives when you are together? I do most the time. But that's cause I like to.

Still looking for job. But in the mean time I'm still working on the room upstairs and hopefully soon we'll get everything cleared out so we can measure for the base board and then I can paint it before they nail it in. Finally over my strep throat. Only now Ivy and Will are sick and I hope they are doing better today than yesterday. And I hope my brother is taking care of them. I'm not getting into that story. Doing more job search today, wish me luck ^^

I wrote a letter today and has to be hands down the best one I ever wrote. I know the letter writing has become a lost art and its sad. Today with e-mail, aim, text, and so on has all but exstinguised the need or the want to write an actual letter. Ryan and I used to write letters all the time when he went away for work and it was the one thing that really kept me going because I could write what I really felt in it. Its easier to describe ones self when someone isn't there to constantly interrupt you. It is just you, a pen, and a piece of paper. It gives yourself an opportunity to truely lay yourself out and what you feel. Have you ever needed to describe something to a good friend but for the longest time felt yourself unable? Well that is what this letter was about. I wasn't even sure the letter would really make sense or if I would be able to describe it accurately but when I put the pen down and read it over it summed everything up so perfect and I nearly cried it was so beautiful. That is what a good letter is all about, to write something truely from your heart and it is personal since you yourself wrote it. I cried because I had been wanting to get this out for months now. Its a sense of closure now so letters are mutually benificial. I encourage anyone that reads this blog to write one to try and build this art back up.

As much as I enjoy being home it only feels half complete without Ryan being here. But all in all today has been a good day other than catching Tony's cold. Bob, B.G. and I played WOW most the day and just hung out. When I started really feeling bad I went home. Mom was better today too, at least I didn't get any guilt trips though I might tomorrow since I'll probably miss church because of this cold. If it were just a head cold I'd go but my throat is on fire and my chest feels like someone's sitting on it. If anyone reading this has any remedies for a sore throat please comment because I can't sleep because of it. Its about quarter after 4am and I'm exhausted.